deceiver of fools

So many times I wondered.

Quite a futile exercise.

I never understood why didn't you leave after the fall. It would make sense. Much more sense than your shadowy return of one step forward and one step back. I was trying to get over the mess. I was trying to survive. I was trying to move away, to find myself once more.

In a way, I did. Yet I had to fight a silent battle against yourself -are you aware of that? Have you ever realized the harm you caused me? You said I was selfish - but what were you, then, when you decided not to leave alone? When you decided to haunt my every waking moment. When you decided not to give me a second of peace. When you decided to put up your wall of delusions to trick me once again. You almost did it. Almost.

I still cannot understand why by a thousand hells don't you leave me alone for good. Yes, I am talking in the present. For you're still somewhere out there. Waiting for something. I don't know who you are anymore, nor what do you want. But, believe me, I know enough about you. It's ironic: I don't know you, you're still an open book for me. In many ways.