[Still spinning around...]

It was unfinished... time went by, and when my mind woke up, a new year had come. Following the last post, here's my first thought of 2004.

[Still spinning around...]

"Wee. 2004 has come. Televisions all around the globe are filled with images of joy, happyness and amusement. Honestly (should I say 'sadly'..?), I can't figure out why. Why? What changed? What so important had just come?

For me, it is exactly the same. 2003, 2004... whatever. I am as down as I was yesterday. No; I am even worse than I was yesterday. And why? Perhaps it is true one thing I once thought: a year that ends up in sorrow is not as bad as a year that begins in sorrow...

Seems that today I'm loving her even more that I was yesterday. And what for? She never thought about me in all this time for sure. Not even for a moment, for a mere second, for a heartbeat...

Thing is, there's nothing I can do about it. I am defeated. The fall was too high, the impact too strong. I was beginning to believe. The last time I was with her was simply... wonderful. She made me believe it was possible. And what for? She disappeared as soon as we were apart, leaving me sinking in sorrow and pain, helpless and alone. And now, what can I do? I just don't know... this new year seems so... dark... No plans or expectations. I'm just waiting to see what is coming. For good or bad.

"FALLING FROM HEAVEN IS NOT AS PAINFUL AS SURVIVING THE IMPACT.""

(happy new year...)

(01.01.2004)

Não se pode dizer que este sentimento seja actual, apesar de a frase, o meu lema de vida dos momentos mais sombrios (do meu "darkside") ser eterna. Mas é sempre curioso recordar isto, pensar em tudo o que acabou por acontecer em 2004 - sem dúvida, o ano mais surpreendente - em ambos os sentidos - e irregular da minha vida. Para 2005 tenho mais expectativas do que tinha há exactamente um ano. Agora, como disse eu a alguém, "é esperar para ver... e fazer alguma coisa por isso".