[farewell to you]
Escrevi este texto há quase um ano. Foi publicado no primeiro mundo do meu 'lado negro', numa altura complicada, a pensar numa situação. Muda o tempo, mudam os lugares, mudam as personagens, talvez - eu próprio mudei desde então, na voragem do caminho. Mas as palavras permanecem verdadeiras, actuais, talvez mais hoje do que há um ano. Hoje não estou nostálgico. Estou, acima de tudo, triste.
"I remember when I first saw you. Can't explain why, but there was something in you that caught my attention in that moment, though I'd never seen you before. This happens sometimes, during our every-day life... Usually, it's just a sudden pulse confusing us for no longer than a mere second... when we notice, it is already gone, as fast as it came..."
"Things were different with you. It lasted for more than a second. As a seed thrown to the soil that suddenly founds everything it needs to grow, the little seed you left in me without knowing created roots and started to grow. Each day it became a little bigger, a little stronger, a little more beautiful than before."
"The little seed grew and became a great tree. Then was when I realized what was going on. Then I understood what the seed you left inside me was. It was love. A pure love that overtook my whole being without warning. It didn't knocked on my door; it bursted through the room, invading my space and stayin' uninvited."
"It was a surprise for me. I didn't believe anymore that I could feel that way again. The last time was too much painful; it left so many wounds... wounds that time was not healing completely... but you did..."
"Love brings expectation. This is inevitable. As I am not an exception, I started to dream. I dreamed with you in my eyes. I dreamed with you in my arms..."
"But dreams are always wrong... They can never be true because we awake. I woke from my dream and saw the reality, a reality I didn't want to face, but that couldn't be avoided for much longer: though she left the seed in me, she didn't get one of my own seeds... No matter how much I loved you, you would never feel the same for me. You would never love me..."
"Took a while to wake from my dream. And when I did, I felt myself invaded by such a great pain, such a dark sorrow, such a deep woe... It was the greatest fall, the fall into a deep and suffocating darkness... a darkness where I still remain sunken..."
"What to do now? Shall I keep fighting for something utterly and totally impossible to reach? No. No longer. Neither shall I stay in darkness, though I am a fallen angel. A fallen angel that knows you are a dream too high, and still he loves you so much, so damn much... but no longer can I stay here. This is not my place. You will never be mine... Time has come for me to go away, time has come for me to rise..."
"So I say goodbye. I know this is a hard path to walk, but there are some things that must be done. Leave you with a tear in my eyes and a wound in my heart, a wound so deep, so painful... Leave you loving you more than I ever did before, and knowing in sorrow you won't miss me, because you never noticed I was there..."
"Farewell..."
"I remember when I first saw you. Can't explain why, but there was something in you that caught my attention in that moment, though I'd never seen you before. This happens sometimes, during our every-day life... Usually, it's just a sudden pulse confusing us for no longer than a mere second... when we notice, it is already gone, as fast as it came..."
"Things were different with you. It lasted for more than a second. As a seed thrown to the soil that suddenly founds everything it needs to grow, the little seed you left in me without knowing created roots and started to grow. Each day it became a little bigger, a little stronger, a little more beautiful than before."
"The little seed grew and became a great tree. Then was when I realized what was going on. Then I understood what the seed you left inside me was. It was love. A pure love that overtook my whole being without warning. It didn't knocked on my door; it bursted through the room, invading my space and stayin' uninvited."
"It was a surprise for me. I didn't believe anymore that I could feel that way again. The last time was too much painful; it left so many wounds... wounds that time was not healing completely... but you did..."
"Love brings expectation. This is inevitable. As I am not an exception, I started to dream. I dreamed with you in my eyes. I dreamed with you in my arms..."
"But dreams are always wrong... They can never be true because we awake. I woke from my dream and saw the reality, a reality I didn't want to face, but that couldn't be avoided for much longer: though she left the seed in me, she didn't get one of my own seeds... No matter how much I loved you, you would never feel the same for me. You would never love me..."
"Took a while to wake from my dream. And when I did, I felt myself invaded by such a great pain, such a dark sorrow, such a deep woe... It was the greatest fall, the fall into a deep and suffocating darkness... a darkness where I still remain sunken..."
"What to do now? Shall I keep fighting for something utterly and totally impossible to reach? No. No longer. Neither shall I stay in darkness, though I am a fallen angel. A fallen angel that knows you are a dream too high, and still he loves you so much, so damn much... but no longer can I stay here. This is not my place. You will never be mine... Time has come for me to go away, time has come for me to rise..."
"So I say goodbye. I know this is a hard path to walk, but there are some things that must be done. Leave you with a tear in my eyes and a wound in my heart, a wound so deep, so painful... Leave you loving you more than I ever did before, and knowing in sorrow you won't miss me, because you never noticed I was there..."
"Farewell..."
(imagem de Leonid Kozienko)
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